Let's Talk About Children

We are told in Psalm 127:3-5, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”  Last month I wrote about discipline.  I truly believe structure and discipline when children are young make them not only disciplined adults but also children people like to be around.  I want to say more about children, specifically how they are a blessing.  Of course, there are many ways that God is working every day through numerous lives that are blessings, but let's look at how children specifically bless a family.  While there are health concerns and fertility issues that may come into play, in general, I believe it is wrong to intentionally remain childless.  God’s design for families pictures His interaction with His people.  Just as a husband and wife show the relationship between Christ and the Church, children serve to show how God the Father interacts with us, His children.

Children bring structure and discipline.  If you are going to discipline your children, you must be disciplined yourself.  Consistency is king.  You must show them that the same sinful action has the same undesirable consequence.  You have to teach them that when Mommy says, “No.” That always means no.  This means you must stick to it yourself.  It is so easy to let something slide “just this once.”  I am guilty of this myself sometimes.  I have found that if I don't address it immediately, it becomes an issue for much longer, especially if I ignore it for the first time or two.  I must address wrong behavior right away, and continually and consistently have the same consequence every time.  Not only will this teach them much faster, but it also sets clear and consistent boundaries.  Children thrive when they know exactly what is expected and what they can and cannot do.  When that line always changes, it is frustrating and makes it difficult for them to learn and meet expectations.  One way I have found to stop negative behaviors in new situations is by presenting expectations before we go (or in the car on the way).  I tell them what they can expect when we are there as well as my expectations for their behavior.  This presents them with some sense of security going into an unfamiliar setting.  It also provides them with guidelines for how to behave in this type of situation.  I must also be clear and consistent with consequences if they fail to meet my expectations.  The best example of consistency I have seen is the mother who left a full cart at the checkout (so they would know to restock items) and left the store without any purchases because her child was throwing a fit.  I don't know the exact situation or circumstances, but I do know that the mother prioritized her child and a parenting moment over her grocery list.  However, we are not the super mom every day.  We have moments when we forget what we told them to do and don't follow through with consequences when they ignore those directions.  We have days where we rush through the grocery store while the child throws a fit because we really do need something for dinner that night.  We are sinful humans ourselves.  We will fail, but that isn't an excuse to give up.  Don't beat yourself up each time, but apologize, use it as a teaching moment, and move on.  Try again tomorrow.  Continue with the goal of consistent loving discipline.  

Children are sanctifying.  As mentioned above, parents do not always do it right.  We make mistakes, have days in which we mishandle situations, and fail to live up to our duty as parents.  Children are watching.  They see us at our best and our worst.  No one points out your flaws better than a three-year-old who stubs their toe or doesn’t get their way.  The way we react to situations comes out in the way our children react when they are in that situation.  Wow, is that ever convicting!  We see our temper, our impatience, our rudeness, and our self-centeredness coming out in the behavior of our children.  While we are right to discipline them when it is wrong behavior, it also convicts us to change as well.  God uses our children to show us where we need to change.  Has anyone ever told you not to pray for patience because God will make you wait?  Just when you think you’ve got an understanding of the fruit of the Spirit, you have children and realize just how much you lack love, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, etc.  People will often comment on how much my children look like me or my husband.  They don’t always pick up on how much they act like us as well.  Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”  While this generally refers to friends who will push back on our ideas and challenge our thinking to make our position more refined, this can also be applied to when our children push against our rules and boundaries.  Children question what we are doing, why we are doing it, and how we do it.  They want to understand and use us to help them make sense of the world around them.  When they encounter a situation, they pull from the knowledge they have of how we deal with similar situations.  Whether or not you are intentionally teaching, your children are learning from you.  This gives me pause to consider my actions and what I am passing along to my children.  If you want your children to work hard, you must be an example of what hard work looks like.  If you want them to respond with gentleness and kindness, then that must be your response as well.  Embrace the sanctifying work that God can do through your children.  Allow Him to open your eyes to sins and failures you never realized existed.  Repent and change.  Your children are watching and learning from that as well! 

Children are the mission field.  Mothers are often bombarded with the lies of this world that the work at home is not important.  They are told they will find more fulfillment and be empowered if they pursue a career outside of their home.  These are lies that fail to consider what work is being done at home.  Stay-at-home moms are more than just cooks, childcare, and housekeeping.  Mothers are also secretaries maintaining multiple schedules, chauffeurs to various appointments, games, and other commitments, teachers of their children, and, most importantly, missionaries.  Children are born sinners.  Sinning is easy and natural.  While we do teach them through our actions and sinful responses, they would be perfect sinners without any example or guidance.  That is human nature.  This makes children a mother’s primary and most important mission field.  While fathers are responsible for being the leader of the home, including in spiritual matters, this does not negate the responsibility of the mother to help him in the instruction of the children.  If you are homeschooling, this is even more of an opportunity to teach your children about the Lord.  Mothers who are home with their children spend more time with them than anyone else.  This means you have a great influence on who they will become.  Charles Spurgeon was greatly influenced by the faith of his mother and said, “Fathers and mothers are the most natural agents for God to use in the salvation of their children.  I am sure that, in my early youth, no teaching ever made such an impression upon my mind as the instruction of my mother.  Neither can I conceive that, to any child, there can be one who will have such influence over the young heart as the mother who has so tenderly cared for her offspring.”  Often we see the influence of women, including mothers, on the faith of their children.  Paul mentions that specifically in 2 Timothy 1:5 saying, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.”  Do not grow weary in the day-in and day-out struggles of raising your children.  It does get tiring, and we can feel like we are failing.  Take heart, you are doing the work of the Lord.  Time invested in your children is never wasted.

Some days it is easy to focus on the negatives.  It is easy to see all the things we don’t have or cannot do because we have children.  It can feel like we are missing out on something.  People who do not yet have children may be afraid of the cost or the time that children take, but fail to consider what they contribute.  Children bless us in so many ways.  Yes, even children that demand more of our time due to special needs they may have.  Children bring joy and laughter and will sanctify us in ways we didn’t even know were a concern.  They bring some of our greatest joy and deepest sorrow.  We can better understand God and His relationship to us as we interact with our children.  Parenting is an act of selflessness.  It is a call to embrace a mission field with a set time limit.  It goes faster than you’d think.   Whether God gives you one child or many, whether they come through conception or adoption, every married couple should openly embrace children as a blessing from the Lord.  Invest in the ministry of your children, that you may live to see many generations serving the Lord as Proverbs 17:6 tells us, “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.”