“Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.  God settles the solitary in a home…” (Psalm 68:5-6a)  In Ancient Israel the fatherless and widows were the most vulnerable in society.  I would continue to argue that fatherless children are still one of, if not the most, vulnerable in society today.  Not all of these children are orphans.  There are children in need of care for various reasons.  One of the hardest parts of being a teacher is the mandate to report abuse and neglect.  This is hard for two reasons.  First, you notice a child showing evidence of neglect, or worse, abuse.  While you may be trained to see the signs, nothing really prepares you for the first times you actually observe a child with evidence of abuse.  The second part that makes this hard is knowing that your report to child services may result in a family being split apart.  Though this is for the safety and well-being of the children, it is still heart wrenching to think of children being removed from their home and family.  So, what happens then?  This is where the church is called to step up and care for these vulnerable members of our society and allow God to use our home as a place of refuge.  

Foster care is a broken system.  Are there children removed from their home that should not be?  Yes.  Are there children left in dangerous situations?  Yes.  Are there people taking advantage of the system and possibly even abusing the foster children brought into their home?  Yes.  Should we abandon the whole institution?  By no means!  Even though it is a broken system, there are still thousands of children in need of a safe refuge during an unsettling and scary time in their life.  Children in foster care have specific goals sometimes to reunite them with their parent(s) and others are seeking a permanent family placement.  The guidelines and training to become foster parents differs state to state and even county to county.  Those interested in pursuing foster care or fostering to adopt should contact their local county department of social services.  

Foster care is hard.  It is messy.  It involves multiple adults all working toward the best interests of children, and sometimes they don’t all agree what that looks like.  I have heard some stories that make it seem easy.  The parents were trained, a child was placed in their care, they loved them and, when it became possible, they adopted them.   Other stories make me want to run for the hills and never even think about something like foster care.  Children are placed even though they are not in the age range the parents said they would be willing to accept, there is a continual struggle between parents and the system, there are difficulties with visitation, and, when it is finally possible for the parents to adopt the child, there are multiple barriers along the way.  I know of children who have resented being taken from their mother, and, no matter how much love and care they were shown continued to resist and resent their foster and adoptive parents.  I also know of children who were so proud to be able to say that their MOM packed them that lunch they brought to school.  They were so happy to have a mom and to know that they had a place where they belonged, a family that would love them forever.  What will foster care look like?  That is a very good question.  There are so many people involved and so many different factors that every foster care placement is different.  Some people wait for months before a child is placed in their care.  Others have children waiting for them as soon as they finish training.  

Some of the bravest, most loving moms I have ever encountered are foster moms.  They are willing to open their home to children who are in crisis.  They love children who may not be with them forever.  They put their all into helping children adjust to a new family with new rules and expectations.  They help them through multiple sessions of counseling and/or visitation.  They may even have to help them prepare to return to their parents once their safety is ensured.  Sometimes foster moms only have a few months to live out the gospel before these children and love them as much as they can.  Other times they are blessed to be able to welcome these children into their family permanently through adoption.  Foster parents have been placed in the unique position of defending the fatherless.  They serve as advocates for the children placed in their care.  Alicia exhorts, “For those considering foster care - the need is great and it won't be easy, but especially for believers, God has called us to care for children who can’t speak for themselves.  We are to be his hands and feet.  It will be messy and hard, but rewarding as well.  If you are already in the process - keep going and don’t let the paperwork and all the little details get you down.  It will all be worth it and God will use you in ways that you can’t even fathom right now.  Also, find a network of other people who foster or have in the past.  It is very helpful to have people to talk and pray with you who have been where you are.”  Leigh said, “We also urge people to educate themselves as much as they can about ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences), developmental trauma, and loss.  Foster care is traumatic both for children and for caregivers.  Being able to identify and heal from our own past trauma and loss has made us better parents to children who come from chaotic and dysfunctional homes, and whose worlds have been completely upended.  Also, it’s important to recognize that a ‘yes’ to fostering and/or adopting might mean a ‘no’ to something else.  Every yes to God’s leading along the way has brought us to this place.  We get a front-row seat to His healing and renewing work in the lives of precious children.  We get to be a part of an intervention that can have generational spiritual impact.  Our capacity for compassion, love, and grace are greatly increased.  I am aware every day how fostering has been one of God’s most effective tools for my personal spiritual growth.”

God uses the church to meet the needs of others.  God made special provisions in the law to ensure the care and wellbeing of the widow and the fatherless.  He likewise calls the church to continue that care for those vulnerable members of society.  What better way to share the gospel than to welcome a child into your home where they can observe God’s work in your own life and the visual example of the gospel in your marriage.  Foster moms will never forget the children God has placed in their care, and their impact on those children will not be forgotten either.  Whether for just a short season or as part of a forever family, these placements are not an accident or coincidence.  Our Sovereign God is arranging families according to his will and for his glory.  I would urge you to consider how God is calling you to be a part of caring for the fatherless.  Not everyone may have the resources to open their home to a child at this time, but everyone can be involved.  If you can’t foster, seek to support those who can.  If nothing else, you can offer prayer and encouragement to these families.  You can be part of a church that welcomes these children into their church as loved and valued members of a family.  Foster moms, know that you are seen.  Your love and care does not go unappreciated.  Even on those days that seem that all is going wrong, know that God never makes mistakes.  You are the mom that child needs right now.  Even if they do not stay with you forever, you will always be their mom for that season.

*I am thankful for the moms who took the time to share their stories with me and answer questions about their experiences with foster care.*