There is a part to marriage that a lot of people don’t like to talk about or would rather omit altogether; submission.  Ephesians 5:22-33 is a well quoted passage that admonishes wifes to submit to their husbands.  Paul also mentions it in his letters to the Corinthians and Colossians.  Peter also includes it in his writings to the exiles dispersed from Jerusalem.  While all Christians are called to submit in different areas, wives are specifically called to submit to their husbands.  This is not a degrading thing, nor is it signifying a lesser worth.  Wives are called to something that reaches beyond themselves.

There is no leader with no followers.  A wife has the calling to be the first follower.  Her submission to her husband’s leadership provides an example for the rest of the family to follow as well as a picture of the Church to the watching world.  Ephesians 5:23-24 tells us that the relationship between a husband and a wife is a picture of Christ and his Church.  Our relationship can bring the gospel to others as they see the husband’s sacrificial love for his wife that causes her to willingly submit to his leadership.  Children watch how their parents interact.  This provides them not only with a picture of what marriage should look like, but it also shows them that their parents are united in their decisions.  My husband and I try not to discuss decisions in front of our kids.  This allows us to both voice our opinions, including objections, without appearing divided.  We discuss a decision and then voice it to others.  Wives don’t always have to agree with what their husband decides.  Part of intimacy in marriage is the ability to know the person well and express your concerns or objections to a decision.  However, once the decision has been made, wives should go forward as if it was their decision as well.  (This means no “I told you so” if it doesn’t go as he expected.)  This means putting yourself aside to be united with your husband.

God has designed everything with order.  The home is no exception.  The order God proscribes does not, as some have claimed, mean that women are inferior.  It takes a strong person to submit to another.  According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, to submit means to yield to governance or authority; to subject to a condition, treatment, or operation.  While both the husband and wife are of equal worth, the husband has been called by God to lead his family in all aspects of life.  He is accountable before God for his family.  While mothers are still involved in teaching their children God’s Word, the father should be leading this endeavor.  The role of the wife is to be a picture of the Church in submission to Christ.  Husbands must also stand before God accountable for their wife.  They are called to love her the way Christ loved the Church.  While our husbands are not perfect, as Christ was, their loving leadership should make us want to submit.  When a man loves you like that, submission is easy and welcome!  

Submission does not mean the wife does not have a mind of her own or is unable to make decisions.  There are few movies or books that I have seen that support this biblical model of marriage.  However, one of my favorite lines from My Big, Fat, Greek, Wedding is when Toula’s mom tells her, “The man is the head, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head anyway she wants.”  While not exactly accurate to what the Bible says, it is true that a wife is a great influence on her husband.  She is his confidant and advisor.  It is hard to make decisions alone, especially when they impact the lives of others.   A strong, smart, confident woman is an invaluable asset to her husband.  There are those situations where husbands do not love their wives as they should, but their wives should still submit to their leadership.  Titus 2:5 tells us to love and submit to our husbands “that the word of God may not be reviled.”  I’m not saying to keep yourself in harm's way, but you should be faithful to God’s plan for you as a wife regardless of his faithfulness to God’s plan for a husband.

I have learned that submission is a beautiful thing.  It has been misused by many.  I know of men who have used verses about submission to hurt women and “keep them in line.”  I know of situations where homes have been a place of hurt instead of a safe-haven.  However, that is how sin twists the beautiful plan for marriage.   Though often marred by our sinfulness, we must continually seek to faithfully fulfill our role as a wife.   When considering someone for marriage, I encourage women to ask themselves, “Is this someone I can follow?”  Do you trust this person enough to follow their decisions, even if you disagree?  If you have not found someone that you can respect and follow, then I would urge you not to step into a marriage commitment.  If you are already committed to marriage, you should stay in that relationship.  I encourage you to be a faithful and submissive wife, even if your husband doesn’t meet your expectations.  Your dedication to your role as a wife may serve to draw them to Christ as mentioned in 1 Peter 3:1-2.  May our marriages be a beautiful picture of the Gospel as we live our lives before the watching world!