Great Expectations
July 16, 2021
Whether you realize it or not, you enter marriage with a host of expectations. Our own parents are often where we develop these expectations. We expect our husband to take on the same duties around the house that our father did. For example, my dad was always the one who did the grilling. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mom do more than some of the prep work for veggies on the grill. Therefore, I just expected that any outdoor cooking would be done by my husband. Thankfully, I have a husband that really enjoys grilling and smoking meat, so that hasn’t been an issue for us. Unfortunately, newlyweds often have issues when these unspoken expectations are not met. I think this is one of the biggest adjustments newlyweds face.
One way to avoid conflict is to discuss your expectations before you are even married. What does he view as “a wife’s job”, and what do you view as “a husband’s job”? If you think through and discuss your views of Biblical manhood and womanhood, you will have a better understanding of one another. You will be able to enter married life knowing what the other person thinks of your role in the relationship.
As your relationship grows your understanding of your roles should also grow. You will learn and understand more about each other and how things work best for your family. Embrace these changes with a lot of communication. If your expectations change, you need to tell your husband how your ideas have changed. It is okay to learn to do something different from how your mom or grandma taught you to do it. Learn to please your husband rather than stick to how you've always done it. Relationships change us, and it is good to be flexible. Allow God to use your husband and family for your sanctification.
Even more important than changing and learning more about your spouse is learning more about God. As both you and your spouse grow close to God, you also grow close to each other. You should also, as a brother and sister in Christ, help point each other to Christ. Husbands are specifically told that they are responsible for the spiritual wellbeing and growth of their family. I enjoy sitting and talking with my husband about our family, goals, dreams, and such. However, we do not leave our conversations just about ourselves or our family; we also discuss the gospel and theology. I enjoy both types of conversation, and both help me learn and grow in my relationship with God and with my husband.
Communication is really the most important part of a relationship. Many misunderstandings and disagreements can be remedied with trust and open communication. In this way, relationships are "simple". It is as easy as talking through things. The reasons people describe marriage as "hard" is due to our own selfishness. We must overcome our own self interest and lack of trust to open up and talk to our husband. When you do, your marriage will be a healthy and happy place!