Honoring Our Fathers

What is honor?  According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, honor means to regard or treat someone with admiration and respect.  It can also mean giving special recognition to someone.  Children are told they are to honor their father and mother.  Just by virtue of their position as a parent they have warranted honor.  If you have had a good and godly father, he should be honored.  If your father was neither good nor godly, he too should be honored.  This is not necessarily an easy command, and yet, we are to do so in obedience to God. 

I grew up with a father who loved me and was always present.  My father loved us with jokes and games.  He loved us by showing up for all of our games, recitals, plays, and other events.  He loved us by setting boundaries and discipline.  He loved us by loving and caring for our mother.  He modeled what to look for in a husband.  It seems easy to think of honoring, respecting, admiring, or praising someone who has loved you, celebrated you, supported you, and helped you.  I have great respect for the man who worked hard to support his family and always sought what was best for us.  I am humbled when I realize how much my parents gave up for themselves to give their kids what they knew they wanted, not just what we needed.  I had a great father, and I want people to know.

Unfortunately, not everyone has that privilege.  In fact, over a quarter of the children in the US are growing up without their fathers.  Some have not only been neglected by their father but abused by them as well.  Not only does that mar their view of God as their Father, but it also leaves hurts and scars that last a lifetime.  It is hard for someone who has experienced that to find any form of admiration or respect for that person.  It is easy to dismiss this command as not applicable if your father did not fulfill his role as your father.  However, God still commands us to honor our parents, even those who may have hurt us.  How this looks may differ based on our current relationship with them, but we should seek ways to honor them.  It may start with forgiving the wrongs that they have done to you.  Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean forgetting that it happened or even restoring a relationship.  However, it is letting go of anger and resentment and respecting their role as your father even if they have done nothing worthy of respect.  You can maintain healthy boundaries while still praying for your father and recognizing him as an influence on your life.  If your father is not a Christian, seek ways to share the gospel with him and point him to Christ.  If there is a way to safely allow him to be a part of your life, seek healing and restoration of your relationship.  If your father has been absent, as much as it depends on you, forgive him and be ready to receive him back.  While it is a struggle and the way is difficult, do not simply dismiss God's commands.  Seek to obey God even if your father is not.

Adoptive fathers are a beautiful picture of God as our heavenly father.  While some still carry the wounds of the past and may resent being adopted, adoptive fathers give so much of themselves.  They take the responsibility that others have shunned.  They stand in where others have left.  They love and care for a child to whom they owe nothing.  It is a voluntary love.  They choose to love and care for the child they have adopted.  They choose to support and discipline the child to whom they have given their name.  They are not any less of a father than those who contribute to a child's DNA.  I would argue that they are worthy of double honor because they took on a child that another gave up.  They chose to love where another chose to walk away.  Once a child is adopted, they are fully their father in every way.  They take all of that responsibility, and they should be honored, respected, and admired for their position as a father.

This world degrades and humiliates the role of the father.  Most shows portray a father as a child, an idiot, or completely unnecessary.  Fathers are to be leaders of their home, pointing their family to Christ.  They are to be an earthly example of our Heavenly Father.  We should value their opinion, seek their advice, and care for them as they age.  Our respect and admiration should flow out into our actions and treatment of our fathers.  Even if they do not deserve it, we should honor our fathers and pray for them that they may see Christ in us.