Honoring Your Mother

Ephesians 6:1-3 tells us, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”  This command to honor our parents appears in both the Old and New Testaments.  We are to obey them as we would the Lord.  Our parents were given to us for our protection, training, and to point us to God.  As we approach Mother's Day, it reminds me to ponder the question of what it means to honor your mother.  This seems to shift and change with age, as does our relationship with our mother.

As children, we honor our parents through obedience.  Our obedience to our parents is obedience to God.  It is straightforward obedience.  Unless our parents are asking us to do something that is a sin, we should obey what they say and follow the rules they put in place.  Most children don't question the rules, even if they may test your consistency or disobey.  Mothers are to be the primary keepers of the home and are responsible for the care of their children.  While the father is the head of the home, this does not negate the mother's authority and responsibility for her children.  In fact, the husband's love for his wife should be an example to his children of how they should love their mother.  Little girls should be able to follow their mother's example of what womanhood looks like.  Mothers are teaching their children, especially their girls, what it is to be a wife and a mother.  They are the model of motherhood for their girls and the standard by which their boys look for a wife.  Mother's Day with little children often looks like handmade crafts and yard weeds, but they are treasured gifts.  Mothers know these years will not last long.  

As children shift into adulthood, they go through an adolescent period in which they are no longer children, but they are also not yet adults.  They are old enough to make decisions and be held accountable for those decisions, but they are still under the authority of their parents.  Rules often change for these children as they learn to take on more responsibilities.  There may be more rebellion and testing of rules as they try to stretch out, take risks, and head out on their own.  As long as they are still single and living with their parents, they are under their parents' authority.  I would even argue that girls remain under the authority and protection of their fathers until they are married and under the authority and protection of their husbands.  It can be difficult for those coming into adulthood to listen to their parents when they want to make decisions for themselves.  However, if they are honoring their parents, they should submit to their authority and follow the rules they have put in place.  In Titus 2, older women are told to teach younger women to be workers at home, love their husbands and children, etc.  The young women in your own home are the first place to start.  This is a time when young ladies should be learning all they can from their mothers.  Sons can learn from their mothers as well, but as they get older, sons need the example and training of their fathers while girls need the same from their mothers.  Mother's Day at this age can be unpredictable.  Sometimes mothers are grudgingly acknowledged, but other times they are given great and meaningful gifts.  Treasure these final few years before your kids leave home.

Adults relate to their parents differently, but they should still honor them.  Adult children are no longer under the authority of their parents.  In fact, they may even be parents themselves with children under their authority.  The priority for adult children is their new family with their spouse, but they can still honor their parents.  Honoring your mother at this age includes calling or seeing her regularly, continuing to go to her for advice and instruction, and caring for her when she is old.  Though adult children do not need to obey their parents, they have age and wisdom that can be valuable when making decisions.  As our parents age, they may reach a point in which they are unable to care for themselves.  It is the responsibility of the children to care for their parents in a loving and respectful way.  Mother's Day as adults is a time to honor your mother in ways you didn't understand as a child.  While mothers enjoy cards, flowers, and gifts, the best gift is time with her children who have moved away.  If you live close by, get together with your mother.  If you live far away, take advantage of modern technology and call your mom.  Give her time with her kids and grandkids.  

Though our relationship with our mothers change over the years, we are still to honor her throughout our lifetime. It is not about mothers being worthy of honor.  I have been blessed with a godly mother that I can trust.  It is easy for me to honor her.  I want to talk to her and I value her opinion.  However, I know that not everyone can say the same.  Some do not have a great relationship with their mothers.  Their mothers may have been abusive or caught up in their own struggles, being absent from their children.  The command to honor our parents is not dependent on them being worthy of honor.  Sometimes, honoring our parents just means forgiving them and praying for them.  If your mother is living, pray for her this mother's day.  If you have had a bad relationship, forgive her and consider how you can repair that relationship, as much as it depends on you.  If you have a good relationship, continue to honor her and care for her as she ages.  Those who no longer have their mothers with them understand that our time with them is short.  Honor your mother this Mother's Day in the best way you can.