Love and Marriage

Books and movies make romance and love seem like big, sweeping gestures that garner a major emotional response.  We all know that it’s impossible to keep that up in the long term.  Marriage may include those incredible moments, like on our wedding day, but not every day will include such emotions.  I love my husband every day, but some days I’m tired, sad, upset, or ill.  It’s hard to feel “lovey” and “romantic” with a sinus infection and/or headache.  So how do we make our marriage last?  With so many marriages ending, is it really that hard to stay married?  

Marriage is a picture of the Gospel.  Several of the letters written by the Apostle Paul give specific instructions to husbands and wives on how they are to live with one another so as to maintain that gospel witness.  When both parties are fulfilling their roles, marriage is an easy and enjoyable life.  Husbands loving their wife as Christ loves the church makes it easy for a wife to joyfully submit to her husband's leadership; however, we are all sinners, who cannot fulfill our roles perfectly, and we get caught in the mire of details.  We must constantly be reminded of the gospel, and God’s grace to us, so we can extend that same grace to one another.  We must choose, every day, to remain committed to our husband and to submit to his leadership just as the church submits to Christ.  Our relationship with our husband should remain our top priority.

Children place demands on our time, love and attention.  I have repeatedly heard many well-meaning mothers exclaim that "my children are my life!"  I love my children; however, we must guard against placing too much affection on them.  First, they should not be an idol in our life that takes priority over our relationship with Christ.  Children are a blessing from the Lord, but should not replace Christ in our affections.  Our relationship with our spouse should also take a higher priority than the relationship we have with our children.  I know how hard it is to leave that sweet baby for the first time.  Even if you are leaving your baby with a grandparent, it still pulls at Mommy's heartstrings to go.  You must go.  You must give your husband some time of undivided attention.  Solid bedtimes are not just for your children’s health and well-being.  Yes, they need a good night’s rest, but mom and dad also need some time alone to talk and spend time together each evening.  As much as I love my kids, I also enjoy when they are both in bed and I have some time alone with my husband!  You need to continue to have a solid friendship and mutual interests that help you continue to grow closer over time.  After your children "leave the nest", it will be just the two of you.  You will enjoy that time so much more if you have a love and friendship that has been growing as your children do.

There are church commitments and other groups of which we are a part that take up our time each week.  We should be actively involved in our church.  We should use the gifts and talents we have been blessed with to serve others.  We can even use social media as a way to stay in touch with family and friends and share the gospel with them.  All kinds of things clamor for our attention, but we must place boundaries on our time and commitments.   We need to make sure that we are placing our relationship with our husband before every other relationship or commitment.  We should not be so overextended that we never see each other.  Sometimes this means taking a look at all you are doing each week, and seeking ways to fulfill your commitments in a way that allows you to stop participating in that way.  This has been especially true for me when my baby was born.  While I have enjoyed serving in many capacities, I’ve had to step away from most of them for a season.  An infant takes up so much time and energy, I do not have much left for serving on a Sunday morning.  Honestly, there are some weeks I’m just glad to have made it through the door!  There is no way I would have been prepared to come early, welcome others, or teach other children!  In different seasons I can serve the church in other ways.  Older women, those who no longer have their children at home, are in a better position to fill the roles that others cannot.  

No one has everything figured out.  Each marriage is different and the people in it struggle with different sins.  We need to wake up each morning choosing to love our husband and submit to his authority.  We need to be intentional about keeping the commitment we have made “until death do us part.”  I’m not saying we will always want to or that it will be easy, but it will be worth the effort.  We are sinners in need of a Savior.  Thankfully, we have a Savior, Jesus Christ, who gives us his strength to fulfill the role to which he has called us.  As Paul says in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”