L.O.V.E.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, thoughts turn to love and hearts are either warm and fuzzy or cold and bitter, or maybe somewhere in between.  Love is so much more than warm and fuzzies.  Attraction may start a relationship, but it isn’t enough to sustain one.  Love is more than a feeling, it is an action and a conscious choice.  This isn’t a popular sentiment in today’s society, but is true.  So what does love look like?  How do you “make marriage work”?  My husband and I have been told, “I don’t know what you're doing, but it works.”  So, as I consider my parents celebrating their forty-first Valentine’s Day together, let me share with you my view of L.O.V.E.

Laughter is absolutely necessary for me.  I think it is important to find someone you can laugh with.  They may not be considered funny by others, but if they make you laugh that is what is important.  We are told that, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)  Laughing with one another can relieve stress and help you grow closer together.  I love having little inside jokes with my husband.  Our common sense of humor makes it easy for us to laugh together, but even if it doesn't come easy, I would encourage you to find some things to laugh about.  

Observation is a great ally in communication.  Watch and learn how your spouse acts, reacts, and expresses themselves in various situations.  This can help you not only anticipate their actions when an event occurs, but it can also help you gain a better understanding of why they handle situations the way they do.  Learn what things you do that make them annoyed or angry and seek to avoid those.  On the flip side, see what they enjoy.  What makes them happy and relaxed around you?  Do those things!  Use observations to learn about your spouse for their benefit and the growth and strengthening of your marriage.  

Variety makes your love fresh and new every day.  We grow comfortable in our routine and doing the same things or eating the same food.  Every so often, change things up.  Maybe try something new for a date night.  My husband and I enjoy cooking together, and we like to experiment with new recipes and make our food better.  We definitely have some foods we eat on a regular basis, but every week or two we try something new and different.  This can extend to all areas of your life and marriage.  Talk to each other about things you've always wanted to try, and try them together.  Enjoy each other while enjoying a new food, book, game, or experience.  

Embrace the changes that come with years.  The longer you love someone the more things change.  You change, they change, and life around you changes.  People are born, and people die.   Jobs, churches, houses, friends, and so much more will change over the course of your lifetime.  Each of you will change as well.  Not only do you face the physical changes of aging, but your habits and characteristics start to rub off on one another.  The longer you are together the more you will become like each other and different from the person you were.  It is very true that my husband is not the man I married, and I wouldn't want him to be.  Our family has increased and jobs have changed since we got married.  Those things change us, and we must embrace the changes it causes in one another.  

    While all of the above mentioned things are helpful for a good marriage they are not everything!  In fact, this just scratches the surface with four words I found that will spell out L.O.V.E.  Christ is the center, and most important, part of any marriage.  He is the only one who can keep you united and help you to forgive one another. "Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them." Colossians 3:12‭-‬19