Working Hard or Hardly Working?

      I am married to my best friend.  He helps point me to Christ, think about topics that I wouldn’t necessarily stop to consider, and teases me like crazy.  I think our marriage is pretty great, and I wouldn’t call it “hard”, but marriage does take work.  A great marriage doesn’t just happen.  I was reminded this week not to get lazy or complacent in marriage.  Both partners need to be all in and ready to work hard to make things work.  

Communication is something that everyone seems to agree is a key to a successful marriage.  It is more than just talking to each other.  You need to talk about everything and anything.  You need to talk through the big things like jobs, houses, child rearing, and major changes.  However, you also need to talk about little things.  Share your day, what you did, what was good, what was frustrating, what went wrong.  It can be hard to open up so much to someone about your thoughts and feelings.  I find it hard to express myself verbally.  I like to write things down, think them through and edit my thoughts.  When you talk to someone, the words just pour out.  There can be some mental editing done, but I am not the best with that.  Sometimes I say things in a way that is misunderstood.  Sometimes I take a position that I haven’t fully thought through.  Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me and just go off incoherently and with little thought or logic.

It can be difficult to have two minds and ways of thinking working together for their family.  I believe this is one reason God calls wives to submit to their husbands.  It is good to talk things out, and consistent communication is a great thing.  Husbands should be talking with their wives about their family and their decisions.  However, ultimately, wives must submit to the decisions their husband makes.  This can be hard for me sometimes.  I am a competitive person, and I like to be in control.  Turning things over to my husband’s control and joining with decisions that I don’t necessarily think are right can be a hard calling.  And yet, it is also a relief.  The weight of that responsibility does not lie with me.  I am not the one who must give an account before God for how I lead my family.  Husbands are making decisions with the weight of this responsibility.  Once a decision is made, wives must support them and help them in whatever steps follow.

It can also be easy to fall into a daily routine that begins to wear you down.  Everyone has various responsibilities that they must attend to, and sometimes they become monotonous.  I love being able to stay home with my children and homeschool.  Wherever I feel like each day blurs together, I remind myself how blessed I am to be able to have this privilege of caring for my family.  Though I love being home with my family, and usually prefer to stay home rather than going out, it is also nice to have a bit of a change now and then.  Since keeping my home is my “job”, it helps me to get out and do something different from time to time.  It is important to take vacations or schedule days for time with just your family.  We just returned from a trip, and it wore me out.  Our schedule was packed tight, and made for a very busy trip.  However, it was a nice change of pace.  It doesn’t always have to be a big trip or vacation.  Even a little outing, like a date night with your husband, can be just the thing you need to rejuvenate you and help you continue on the next day.  I love those times when we can slip away, just the two of us, even if it is just for an hour or so.

Occasionally people fall into a slump in which they are hardly working.  Stay on guard, those are the times that temptation can creep in.  We can be tempted with discontent, ungratefulness, and have issues with one another.  Forgiveness is a powerful thing.  We are two sinners living together trying to be unified.  Unfortunately, sin gets in the way of that unity.  Our pride, anger, and other emotions can cloud our judgment and behavior.  In those times, we must seek forgiveness.  In the same way, we must also be ready to offer forgiveness when our husband sins.  Thankfully, we have a merciful God who not only provides us with an example, but also provides his Holy Spirit to equip us to do that which we cannot do by ourselves.  What about you?  What things do you need to work on?  What are some areas you are tempted to neglect?  Talk to your husband today.  Work together to make your marriage work!