July 2023
I have met many people who have dismissed a one-income family as "impossible" in today's society. I have met moms who long to be home with their babies, but feel there is no way they could afford that. Others have expressed that they think it's great that it works for our family, but they could never stay home all day. I have also had people tell me they find their careers so fulfilling they could never give it up just to stay home. Regardless of their commentary on my position as a homemaker, they all ask, "How do you do it?" To some, this is a statement of disdain or unbelief, and to others, it is a serious inquiry. Like most things in life, my how is very much driven by my why, so let's look at both.
As a Christian, I desire to follow God's will for my life. This means I need to conform to His plan, even if it isn't popular or conforming to society. We read in Titus 2:3-5, "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." So, first and foremost, there is a Biblical mandate not only to love husbands and children and work at home but also to continue teaching those values and skills to subsequent generations. While I have a great desire to be at home raising my children, I understand that not everyone does. I have found, however, that more people find they desire to stay home after they have had a baby. Even if you love your job, I'm sure you love your children more. If you desire to be away from your children more than to be with them, if you are the one counting down the days until back to school and drinking wine to make it through, then it is time to examine your heart and ask the Lord to change you. I would also seek an older woman spoken of in the above verses. Ask her to teach you how to love your husband and children. Ask her to model for you what it looks like to keep a home. I am at home because I love being with my children and want to spend as much time as I can with them. I am also at home because this is God's design for the family - a woman who loves her family and is working at home.
I have had people tell me that it is a great goal, or noble aspiration to be at home, but it's just not financially possible. While this may be the case for a season, overall, this is not necessarily true. Your husband doesn't have to have a six-figure salary to allow you to stay home. I won't sugarcoat it, it can be difficult, but it is not impossible. Priorities and budgeting are necessary. You have to decide what is most important and know that you may have to eliminate unnecessary things. That could mean no streaming subscriptions, Starbucks, or Target runs. (They are awful companies to support anyway.) It may mean eating out less and basing your weekly meals around the meat that is on sale at the store that week. Sometimes you have to shop at multiple stores to hit all of the right deals. Sometimes you make up new recipes to work with the wacky assortment of ingredients you have or learn to cook something new because it was on sale so you're going to try it. Your kids may have fewer toys, but they usually prefer the sticks in the yard anyway. You may have to go to the public pool and playground rather than have one in your own backyard, but it will allow you to meet some other moms as well. What you gain is of far greater value than what you give up.
Working at home doesn't necessarily mean that you have to give up your interests or never have income. There are plenty of endeavors that you can pursue while at home. You can pursue your interests and learn alongside your kids. I believe the world we live in now is probably the easiest for a mom to trade and sell goods than in previous generations. Do you bake? You can sell your baked goods. You could also trade with another mom who raises chickens. You both have fresh eggs and baked goods, you both can enjoy something you love doing, and neither has any added expenses to their family economy! It does take planning. You do have to stick to a budget. You may have to give up some luxuries to which you have grown accustomed. You can do it. You can sacrifice your desires for the good of your family and the generations that follow. In Proverbs 31 we see a woman who is industrious. She not only cares for all the needs of her household, managing many servants, but she is also buying and selling. She is working at home, but also providing goods and income for her family.
The third objection I hear is, "You don't know my kids. They are crazy. They don't listen to me at all. There is no way I could be with them at home all day, much less teach them at home. I'm glad it works for you, but that's just not for me." This may be a bit harsh, but I must tell you the truth on this one. If you are overwhelmed by disobedient and wild children, you have made them that way. We are born sinners, and our desire is to sin. Children are selfish; they lie, steal, and hurt others. This all comes naturally to them. They must be trained to love God and to love others. Ultimately, God must change their hearts and make them new. God uses parents to teach their children His Word. We are told, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." (Proverbs 13:24) If you don't like the way your children are behaving, train them to behave differently. Discipline is not just punishment, though it might include that, it is also daily practice in a skill. It is dedication to a task. It is a well-ordered life. Teach this to your children. Give them expectations for how they should behave when you are right there as well as when they are alone. Raise children you like. Raise children you can trust.
Staying home with your children doesn't have to literally mean staying in your home. You are free to go places, visit with others, and enjoy some of the programs at your local library, parks, or church. Keeping your home doesn't have to mean isolation. I believe this is another aspect of older women teaching younger women. It can seem lonely if it's just you and children under five all day long. There is not much in the way of fellowship or stimulating conversation, though there are some pretty imaginative adventures. Coming alongside another mom or grandma not only helps you learn how to keep your home, but it also provides much-needed fellowship. You have someone to talk to about your struggles, and they understand what you are facing. They probably have some great suggestions for overcoming the obstacles that seem insurmountable. If you are also pouring into a younger woman at the same time, you have fellowship across multiple generations. You are able to pass on what you have learned to someone else, and you will see just how much you have learned and how far you have come. You can be as active or inactive in the community as you desire. You can go and do all sorts of things, or focus on doing things around your own house. How much you actually stay at home is totally up to you and what works for your family.
Staying home is not just a luxury for the elite few with massive incomes. Staying home is not just for introverts who want to hide from society. It is definitely not for the lazy or unmotivated. Raising your children and keeping your home can be your sole occupation. Being home with your children is of far greater importance than any other career. You will have a more enduring impact than you could imagine. Don't let the world sell you the lie that you need to work at a career outside of your home to find worth, happiness, or fulfillment. Find all of those in fulfilling the role God has placed before you as a keeper of your home.