June 11, 2021
Mothers are an important part of the family economy. Whether they stay home full time or are working outside of the home, mothers often fill the role of comforter and confidant. Children come to mom when they are scared or nervous. Their mom gives them a sense of peace and security. There is also something that changes in women when they become mothers, and they love and protect their children with a certain fierceness. Have you ever heard someone say, “My kids are my life,” or, “They are my whole heart,” or, “I love my kids more than anything”? These statements sound to be those of the very best and most dedicated and loving mothers. However, these statements, while sometimes an exaggeration, show an imbalance in the home.
Our relationship with Christ should come before all human relationships. We should never love someone more than we love Christ, or we are setting them up as an idol in our life. Have you ever considered your children as an idol? It is an easy sin to slip into. Sometimes we are in the midst of idolatry before we even realize we are there! While mothers are to love their children, the love of their children shouldn’t eclipse their love for Christ. We are told in Deuteronomy 6:5, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” Every aspect of our life should be defined by our love for God. We should not allow any thing or any one to replace Christ in our life.
Our relationship with our husband should also come before our relationship with our children. While children are a blessing given to us, they are not the most important relationship in our home. Parents are to be united in the raising of their children. Wives are to submit to the leadership of their husband. “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:23-24) Our submission is rooted in our love and trust of our husbands. That kind of love does not place children above the head of their own body! It is a struggle sometimes. When you first come home with that little baby and that surge of mothering hormones fills your veins and blinds you to all else in the world, it can be hard to remember our husband is there as well. Sometimes in my own protectiveness and love for my children I forget that my husband is also a parent who loves them dearly. I need to trust his decisions in their upbringing and support him in his decisions. We must always be united before our children. While it can be helpful for children to see healthy conflict resolution, it is also healthy for children to know that whatever is decided, the parents are united in that decision, regardless of any discussion that happened before the decision was made.
How do we keep children from becoming idols in our life, or having an elevated position in our home? We must make a conscious choice to keep our priorities in order. It can take careful planning and purpose to ensure that we have time with God each day, especially when we have babies and/or toddlers in the home. Children keep us busy, so we must plan to utilize times when they tend to have quiet, independent play or when they are napping. This is one of the reasons I advocate for a nap time for all children until at least age five. Even if they do not sleep, a quiet time on their bed for an hour in the afternoon gives them a time to rest, and it gives mommy some quiet time as well. Wives must also make a decision every day to love their husbands more than any other person, including their children. Determine to meet your husband’s needs before those of your children. Make your husband a priority, and look for ways to express your love to him. This is a struggle to maintain balance, especially when children can often be louder in expressing their needs. Sometimes we need to listen more carefully or watch more closely to identify what our husband needs. This may mean a regularly scheduled date night with no distractions. Investing time, attention, and even money in your marriage may mean your children go without something they want. Not only is it good for children to see they can’t always get what they want, it is also beneficial for them to see their parents placing such time and attention on each other. The model of a healthy marriage is better for children than anything they may want.
Wives and mothers are often described as a glue that holds the family together, but this puts a responsibility on them they were never designed to carry. Let Christ be the glue that holds your family together. Keep your priorities on maintaining Biblical roles in your home. Allow yourself time alone with God and prioritize your husband without feeling guilty about being a bad mother. Proper priorities make you a better mother than those that indulge their children’s wants and allow them to usurp their husband’s place in the home. Determine to take the role that God designed for you as a loving and submissive wife who guides and teachers her children according to Scripture.