The Wife He Needs

As the leader in the home, husbands are accountable before God for how they lead their families.  Many husbands rely on the counsel of their wives as they make decisions and lead their family.  They not only need our input and wisdom, they also need our respect, support, and encouragement.  God placed us together with our husbands as a help mate.  How we help him will often differ but our need to help does not.  Decision making can be difficult for many.  Major decisions can completely change the direction of our lives and/or family.  These are decisions he will want to discuss with you and will require your input.  He may rely on your wisdom if it is an area in which you have more experience.  Wives are given three specific roles they are to embrace; they must love, respect, and submit to their husbands.

At first it may seem obvious that wives are to love their husbands, why else would we have married them.  However, in the culture of the early church, many were arranged marriages.  This is still the case in places around the world today.  Titus tells older women to teach younger women how to love their husbands and children.  Some of this love is expressed as they work in their homes.  As you care for others, your love for them grows.  Wives are often called to deny themselves for the needs of someone else in their home.  You may want to relax with a pastime you enjoy, but the needs of your family may compel you to do a load of laundry, make dinner, and do the dishes instead.  Loving our husband includes putting his needs even before the needs of our children.  As much as we love our children, we should love our husband more, and seek to please him just because we love him.  It may be nice for your husband to bring home a surprise bouquet of flowers or some chocolate “just because”, but it is equally as nice when you take the time to make the meal that he loves or give him a back rub after work.  The more you seek to show love, the more your love will grow.

Wives are told in several places that they should respect their husbands.  I have seen instances where a woman obviously loves her husband, but it is equally obvious that she does not respect him.  Respect goes to the very heart of things.  Do you admire your husband above all others?  Do you seek to exalt him when talking in a group of others?  Do you get upset when jokes are made at his expense?  When we respect our husband, we admire him and make sure that both he and others know it.  We take every opportunity to boast about our husband’s successes.  Our love and submission will be hollow acts if not accompanied by our respect.  As we respect our husbands, so too will others.

Submission carries negative connotations for many, but it should be a joyous thread in our marriage.  As we love our husbands and respect their decisions, we should graciously and happily submit to their leadership.  This does not mean that we value ourselves any less.  You are an equal, willingly putting yourself under his authority.  This will also lead our children to recognize his authority in our household and respect their father.  Our submission will also communicate our love and respect far more than our words.  It is the action behind those feelings. 

What does a husband need?  That will depend on the husband.  Every man is different and has their own wants, needs, and struggles.  A wife cannot be everything her husband needs, but she can seek to meet his needs.  Each wife gets the fun and unique task of knowing her own husband.  She should be excited to learn more about him each day.  Take the time to grow closer to him and seek to give him what he wants, meet his needs, and support and encourage him in his struggles.  Seek to learn from your husband and grow closer to Christ as you also push him to do the same.  I would encourage women who are newly married to seek out an older woman who has been married much longer.  Learn from her how to love your husband and children.  Look at a picture of respect and submission in the form of a godly marriage of people who can mentor both you and your husband as your walk along this new path.