Friends

Proverbs 17 has a lot to say about our interactions with others.  We see the benefit that friends can have as they sharpen our faith and hold us up in adversity.  We can also see how friends can be a detriment if they are foolish and unfaithful to the Lord.  I only thought about how much influence friends could have once I became a parent. Suddenly, I became acutely aware of how much time with someone can influence our thoughts and behaviors.  I became concerned with who my children chose as their friends. Looking through the friends I have and those who have passed through my life, I can see how some have pointed me to Christ, while others have pulled me away.  Some friendships seem like equal partnerships where we are each helping and upholding one another.  Other friendships feel like I am holding them up or they are holding me.  Friends come in all sizes.  Some friendships develop naturally and easily, others are more forced or strained.  However, all of our friendships help to make us into the person we are and who we are becoming.  We were created for relationships.

God challenges us through our friends.  I have been faced with situations I would not have otherwise experienced through walking closely with friends.  While I may not have faced the struggles myself, I am rejoicing or grieving with them.  I have wept with friends who struggled with infertility, miscarriage, child loss, depression, attempted suicide, and broken relationships.  I have also rejoiced over weddings, new babies, adoption, new jobs, and financial blessings.  All of these situations have caused me to consider someone else over my selfish desires.  These were all times that were not about me.  These were times that I had to give of myself for the good of my friends.  While I have always loved the idea of a close friend since before I could remember, many of my friendships have been close only for a season.  I couldn’t name my best friend in kindergarten or tell you where my college roommates lived or anything about their lives at present.  It is especially hard to keep close friendships with people living far away.  We all have families and responsibilities where we are.  While it is fun to catch up from time to time or visit in person when we are close by, we just cannot be as involved in each other's lives the way we were when we lived nearby.  However, each time I have moved or others have moved away, I meet new friends who come into my life.  Friendships move like the tide, but the impact can be felt for years.  There are memories and experiences that I will not only remember, but that have also shaped who I am and what I believe.  Living through challenges with friends has challenged me and changed me.  I can view the world differently because of my friends. 

God teaches us through friends as well.  I have many friends who do not share the same beliefs as me.  While I don’t have close friends who are not Christians, I do have Christian friends who differ in their views of Christian doctrine.  We have different views on many topics such as women in ministry, baptism, the Lord’s Supper, the Sabbath, atonement, salvation, and free will.  Having conversations with someone who believes differently from me causes me to think more thoroughly about what I believe.  In fact, as I’ve studied, my beliefs have changed.  When I was coming into my teen years I thought I knew everything.  I had so many verses memorized and I could answer so many Bible trivia questions, I obviously had a firm grasp on all there was to know about God and His Word.  While it is nice to “know everything” eventually we grow older and wiser and realize we know nothing.  At each stage of life, in every place I have lived, I have been blessed by challenging conversations with friends.  Friends asked me what I believed about a topic I had never considered before, making me study and research to find answers.  Friends have explained their position, supporting it with Scripture.  I have been blessed by older women who have come alongside me to teach me and guide me.  There are some women whom I may not have agreed with in every area of theology who are still a shining example to me of loving and submitting to their husbands.  They are women who care for their homes and families well.  I didn’t grow up in a large family; however, I have always loved the idea of a large family because of the example I saw of godly women caring for their large families.  I have seen how blessed they are.  I did not see kids as a financial burden, mental drain, or inconvenience.  I didn’t see women trapped by marriage and family.  I saw women who were absolutely thriving!  They pointed out the lies and empty promises of a world offering freedom in a nine-to-five cubicle.  I have also been given the opportunity to teach others.  I have loved the times I’ve had as a teacher, coach, and mentor to young ladies in their teens.  I have been blessed to keep up with some of them on social media.  I get to see them become godly wives and mothers.  I also have lovely sisters-in-Christ whom I get to walk alongside in my current season of life.  There are some young moms or new Christians that I have the privilege of mentoring and watching grow in their faith.  At the same time, they are teaching and challenging me in my walk with the Lord.  I also have a huge network of love and support, some next door and some miles away.  While we may no longer be close, I have friends all over the world who I am praying for and who are praying for me.  

I used to be a very judgmental person.  Back when I “knew it all” I would judge others with little thought to their circumstances.  Life and learning have humbled me.  God has had me walk through every situation that I had previously turned up my nose and judged harshly.  Being humbled can be a very difficult time.  I have had friends walking with me through those difficult times.  Friends who have offered time, a listening ear, advice, help packing, babysitting, and meals have given me something much more valuable.  They have helped carry my burden.  They have not only wept with me, but they pointed me to Christ in the midst of a dark and troublesome time.  Two of the darkest times of my life I found myself close to Christ because of my friends.  When I was left alone with my baby girl and facing one of my many “I would never” situations, divorce, I had friends there to help me.  I had people come help me pack, sell things I couldn’t take with me, pay for an attorney, and offer help and encouragement to keep on.  There were even people I didn’t know, friends of my parents, who helped pay for my moving van!  Friends surrounded me as a single mom to help with babysitting and providing a job for me and giving my daughter godly role models.  When I was a single mom in a new state and city, God gave me new friends who would again help not only with babysitting but also the loneliness of being single.  I was included in game nights and holiday get-togethers that helped me see ways I would like to bless others.  I started to come out of my selfish obsession with “woe is me” and started considering ways to be hospitable to others.  Most recently, we have experienced the blessing of friends while in the NICU for three weeks and continuing to this day.  Not only did friends provide meals, transportation, and fun for our kids at home, but they also provided prayers, finances, food, and encouragement for my husband and me while we were facing the unknown.  That love and support didn’t stop when we came home.  Friends provided lactation cookies, encouragement, and cleaning help to a postpartum momma who was overwhelmed by the special needs of her new baby.  These friends continue to love our children, pray with us, rejoice with us, and encourage us each day.  God uses my friends to help me not only with my physical needs but also with my spiritual walk.   

In 1 Corinthians 15:33 Paul says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’”  Friends can be a positive influence, but they can also be a negative influence.  Some friends may need to take more than they can give.  Some friends may require you to do all the work.  It may only be for a season, and you must pour into them and help them in their time of need.  However, if friends are pointing you in the wrong direction or taking advantage of you and your generosity, it is good to put healthy boundaries in place.  You may need to step back for a while and allow other friends to help.  Godly friends are necessary.  We were made for relationships, so we must make sure that we are investing our time into the body of Christ.  Friendship is not always easy, but we have the Church to help build us up.  Make sure you have godly friends who will point you to Christ.  Good and godly friends are priceless.