Loving Your Husband

My husband is my best friend.  We can, and do, talk about anything and everything.  Marriage is so much easier when you genuinely enjoy being with your spouse.  Titus is told to have the older women instruct the younger women to love their husbands.  This may seem easy, obvious even, to the newlywed, but what about after a year, five years, or decades?  

As I have mentioned in other posts, Christ needs to be the primary love of your life.  Your whole being exists for the glory of God.  When this is true, it makes loving others, including your husband, easier.  If you have a husband that also loves the Lord above all else, the two of you will grow closer to each other as you both grow closer to God.  Even if your husband doesn't love you as God has charged him to, even if he doesn't love you the way you want to be loved, you are still responsible for loving him.  When you love Christ, you are able to love him in spite of his flaws.  When difficult circumstances arise, as they do for everyone, you will have the solid rock of Christ on which to lean.  You cannot allow your husband to be an idol.  He is another sinful human, just like you, and he will fail.  There will be times you are upset and don't like him or his decision very much.  In those circumstances, you can still love and submit to his leadership through the strength and grace God gives.  Those who place their husband above all else find themselves broken and wavering when he eventually fails.  They cannot cope with the object of all their affection and devotion being less than they have held him up to be.  We are to have no other gods.  We are to love our husbands more than anyone else, but not more than we love God.  

There is a reason why Titus was told to have the older women teach the younger women how to love their husbands.  It is something they had to learn.  We are selfish by nature, not selfless and loving.  My mom also pointed out something I had never thought of before.  In the historical context, many of the women may have been in arranged marriages.  They may not have even known their husbands before marrying them.  They had to love their husband and give themselves fully to them even if they were not initially attracted to them.  Love is not about how you feel.  Love is a decision and actions.  When you are in a marriage you have promised to love them.  Every morning you decide to love them more than any other person.  Throughout the day you show that love through your words and actions.  No other person is more important.  No jobs, hobbies, activities, or the like take precedence over your husband.  Even on the days, you don't feel like it, love him anyway.  Your love will grow when you are committed to acting.

I see people posting on social media regularly about their children being their life, their whole heart, their everything.  Not only is this making an idol out of your children, but it is also throwing off the balance and structure of the family as God designed.  Husbands are to be the leaders of their homes, loving their wives as their own bodies.  Wives are to submit to their husband, to love, and to respect him.  Children are to submit to the authority of their parents.  Too often we see homes in which the parents are kowtowing to the children.  The children should have no authority at all in the home.  Wives should also love their husbands more than their children.  This can be a hard one for a lot of women.  You had this baby inside of you for nine months.  Once they come out it's like you don't want to let them go.  You are in a bubble of recovery as your body and emotions are all shaken up and crazy.  However, even in the blur of sleepless nights and caring for an infant, your husband must be your greater love.  Let him know how much you love and appreciate him.  Even seemingly small things, such as allowing him to care for your newborn, shows your love and trust.  As children grow older, it is easy to allow their schedules of school activities, sports, music lessons, and the like to dominate your life.  Make sure you have dedicated time for one another each week.  For some couples, this looks like a weekly date night.  In other families, early bedtime for children allows for some alone time each evening.  You don't have to go out and spend money to have meaningful time together.  However, you do need to prioritize time together.

Love is so much more than an emotion.  It is great to feel love towards others, and that often flows from our love for Christ and our attraction to our husband.  However, everyone has bad days.  Everyone fails, and everyone has days they don't feel in love.  Stick to your commitment over your feelings.  Train your emotions through your decisions and actions.  Love Christ above all else, and love your husband more than any other person.  The more you love God the easier it will be to love your husband.