Dating

Probably one of the most talked about and least agreed on aspects of Christian living is the topic of dating.  While I was growing up, there was debate about whether or not Christians should even consider dating or whether courting was the only way to go.  There were some people who used both dating and courting synonymously.  While the road to the altar may look different today than it did in the first century, the basic principles are still the same.  God's design for purity before marriage and a holy union designed to represent the gospel have not changed.

Many young people desire to start dating in their early teen years.  However, given our current culture, this is not something I would advise.  In the early teenage years hormones run high and judgment is low.  It is rare that someone at that age is financially independent and ready for such a commitment.  My advice is that the early teenage years be devoted to prayer and training.  Teens should be studying God's Word so they are sure of their faith and are prepared to live in the world apart from their parents.  They should know what they believe, not just be able to copy their parents' beliefs.  They should be well studied and able to face persecution should it come.  "But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil." (1 Peter 3:14‭-‬17)  Once they are sure of their faith and grounded in the Word of God, I would then say they are mature enough physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually to pursue a relationship with another person.  

While the world may view dating as just a fun pastime, I would urge Christians to approach the endeavor with more seriousness.  The goal of dating should be marriage.  When my husband and I started dating, we talked about some difficult topics right from the start.  Before we even started dating he asked my about my relationship with my daughter’s father.  We both have a very high view of marriage, so he was not sure about dating someone who had been divorced.  Because my ex-husband had already remarried, making reconciliation impossible, we both believed that it was okay to pursue a relationship without being in sin.  Right from the start, we talked about finances, expectations, roles of men and women, theology, and doctrine.  We didn’t just share our testimony and then decided we were good to go because we were both Christians.  We wanted to make sure we agreed on all major points of doctrine and theology as well as practical matters such as finances.  We were both older when we met, and both of us were looking for a serious relationship with marriage in view.  We weren’t willing to date just for the fun of it, nor did we want to waste time with someone who wasn’t someone we would consider a potential spouse.  Even if you are younger, and don’t have a past dating history, you should approach every potential relationship with this type of seriousness.  This doesn't mean you have to marry the first guy that comes along; however, if you are switching boyfriends every few weeks, you may want to stop and reevaluate your priorities.  Sometimes the best approach is waiting.  We do not like waiting, but it is better than settling.  Among your top priorities should be a man who loves the Lord and shares the same beliefs you do.  While you may not agree on every minute aspect of theology, you should agree on all of the major doctrines.  Meeting someone at Church gives you a greater likelihood of agreeing on theology as you already agreed enough to attend the same church.  However, your date should be a potential candidate for a husband.  Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands.  Therefore, if you do not trust or respect the man enough to submit to his authority once married, then I would step away.  Take the time to wait for the right person.  There is nothing wrong with remaining single.  Paul urged people to remain single for the sake of sharing the gospel.  Those who are single have only themselves to worry about and can focus on serving the Lord.  Most people will eventually marry.  If you find yourself longing for a husband, this is also a good desire.  Waiting on God's timing for the right man who will lead you closer to the Lord and love you like Christ loves the Church.

It can be hard to follow God's plan.  Sometimes that involves a long waiting period.  The culture is inundated with sex and openly encourages sexual exploration.  Many could not fathom marrying someone with whom you have not already had sex.  The world's philosophy is to make yourself happy with sex and try it out with as many people as you can before you settle down.  The culture also advocates for living together in a "trial run" before committing to a marriage.  However, God's word tells us to keep our bodies pure.  Your body should belong only to your husband, and his only to you.  Marriage is a commitment for life.  That covenant with God and commitment to each other allows you to be completely open, honest, and intimate with each other in a way that is not possible without that covenant.  The wait is worth it.  Those who have not waited will tell you of the shame and regret that they have experienced going into marriage.  If you are someone who has already rushed ahead, there is forgiveness in Christ.  You can repent and strive to live according to God's will from this point forward.  From this point on, wait on the Lord.

Whatever your age, I encourage all of those who are single to find contentment with where God has you at this moment.  Seek out opportunities to serve the Lord.  Use your freedom from the commitment to family to be all the more committed to Christ and the ministry of the Church.  Wait on God's timing, and don't settle for anyone less than a Christian who will lead you well.