Engagement

According to brides.com, the average length of an engagement is 12-18 months.  I believe the reason for more lengthy engagements is two-fold: the commercial push for a “fairy-tale wedding” and the increasing number of couples living together without marriage.  While there is no set time for engagement, I do advocate for a shorter-than-average engagement period.  If you are sure about marriage, then don't wait!

I once heard a suggestion of a wedding taking place at the end of a Sunday morning worship service, just as you would a baptism or new member.  While most people want a more involved in the ceremony, the idea was that all it takes is two people making vows before God and witnesses.  That is all you need for a valid wedding.  In our commercial society, women are taught to expect a ring that costs three months' worth of income, and then spend a year's income (or more) on your dress, venue, photography, and more.  Rather than going into debt to afford the world's idea of a "perfect wedding", I would encourage you to set a budget and decide what elements are the most important to you.  Spending money you don't have or going into debt for one day is not a good start to your marriage.  Stay within your means, and have a marriage with substance rather than just expense.  A shorter engagement may also reduce your cost as some of the more expensive venues and vendors can be booked more than a year in advance.  Bigger or more expensive is not always better.  My husband and I found a wedding venue that was all-inclusive (venue, seating, food, decorations, and bouquets) for under $5,000.  I was also able to find a beautiful dress (custom sized with my measurements) for a wonderful price at jjshouse.com.  I also know people who made their own decorations or found items at thrift stores.  I made all of the desserts (pie and cookies) for my own wedding rather than paying someone hundreds of dollars for a cake.  Also, if you have friends with a special talent, such as baking, you could ask them to provide something for your wedding as their wedding gift to you.  You can have a beautiful dress and wedding without spending more than you can afford.

Usually, the wait of engagement has to do with wedding planning and the time to acquire all that you have planned, from dresses to decor.  Sometimes you must also take family calendars into consideration.  When I got engaged to my husband, I was currently teaching.  We got engaged at Christmas, but couldn't figure out when to have the wedding.  I didn't want to use up all of my personal days, and we also didn't want to wait until the end of the school year.  We decided to utilize Spring Break and get married at Easter.  Since my dad is a pastor and needed to be at church for Easter Sunday, we got married that following Monday!  That way all of our family could be there and we weren't waiting too long.  It didn't work for everyone.  There were many who couldn't travel or take days off that close to Easter, but we were still able to get married, and that is what mattered most.  Find a time that works best for you and your family.  Ultimately, not everyone you invite will be able to make it, no matter how much you consider other people’s schedules.  I would encourage you not to consider people beyond your immediate family or bridal party when scheduling.  

Another reason people wait is that they are in no rush.  Couples that are already living together as husband and wife have no incentive for a quick engagement.  However, they are living in sin.  I would encourage anyone already living together to get married as soon as possible.  It is not good to be "burning" with passion.  Rather than wait through a long engagement in which you may give in to temptation, marry quickly and live in an honorable marriage not tainted by sin.  This was Paul's encouragement to the Church at Corinth.  "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8‭-‬9)

Engagement is a time of great excitement and preparation.  I would encourage you to make it a short, yet meaningful time.  Find an older couple that can mentor you through the early years of marriage.  Honor God in your engagement by remaining pure and abstaining from sex until you are married.  Plan a ceremony that points people to Christ and clearly presents the Gospel.  May this be a time to reflect on how God brought you together and how you can honor Him both in your wedding ceremony and throughout your marriage.

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