The Role of Fathers

There are numerous instructions to fathers found in Scripture.  Fathers are to be the leaders of their home, and thus the primary ones responsible for the care and teaching of their children.  Fathers are to be a picture of God as our Heavenly Father.  Often, a child’s view of God is linked to their view of their father.  Fathers are the leaders and those who must give an account before God for their families.  Therefore, mothers must be helpers and followers of their husbands’ leadership in the home.  

I often hear mothers called “the boss” or “the management” of the home.  While mothers generally spend more time at home and more time directly caring for their children, they are not the leaders.  When a mother takes the leadership of the home, it ignores the roles that God has ordained for the family.  There is an imbalance in the home.  While mothers still lead and have authority over their children, it is a shared authority with their husbands.  Wives are to submit to their husbands’ leadership.  While parents need to agree on parenting methods; ultimately, wives must submit to the plan of their husbands.  My husband and I talk about our children all the time.  We talk about their instruction, both formal and informal, discipline, and punishment.  We are constantly evaluating how we interact with our children and how we handle various situations.  We are open and honest with each other if we think one of us has been too harsh or lenient in a certain situation.  We always come to an agreement.  Even if I don’t immediately agree, I have learned to submit to my husband’s leadership and follow his plan.  Even though he works outside our home, my husband always knows what we are doing or where we are going.  It is not about control, but rather genuine care and concern for us and our wellbeing.  

Fathers are often given as an example of how God interacts with his people.  Our fathers are responsible for discipline in order to train their children.  Building discipline in our children is for their good.  In the same way, God disciplines his children for their good, to lead them in the way they should go.  For example, Hebrews 12:5b-11 tells us, “ ‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.’  It is for discipline that you have to endure.  God is treating you as sons.  For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.  Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them.  Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?  For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Wives should love and respect their husbands.  In so doing, they are showing their children that he is worthy of love and respect.  By submitting to their husbands' leadership, mothers are teaching their children to submit to their fathers.   They are showing how much they value him and his leadership in their home.  Parents that fulfill the roles God has ordained for them are teaching their children what a godly marriage should be.  They are showing them how the family works best.  They are also providing a close-up example of God’s relationship with the Church.  In the same way, a godly father shows his children what it means when the Bible refers to God as our father.  I think fatherhood is an important role for women to consider.  Mothers have an important role in supporting and helping their children’s fathers.  Women should know not only what is expected of them in their role as wives and mothers, but also what they should expect from their husbands in their role as fathers.

Not everyone has had a godly father; some were raised without a father’s presence in their lives.  Some people have a hard time submitting to their husbands because of abuse they have witnessed or experienced from their fathers.  However, it is important to remember that even those who have been fatherless can find a good and perfect Father in God.  Those who have been abused can find refuge and help in God.  They can find a father who is always there, who will never leave them or forsake them, a father that disciplines them for their good.  There is hope in Christ.  There is hope for a family that breaks the cycle.  No matter your circumstances growing up or the relationship you have with your father, you can have a godly family that glorifies God.