Train Up A Child

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)  This verse is often used to encourage parents who’s older children may have strayed from the faith in which they were raised.  Parents are told that eventually their children will return to the faith because they were trained up correctly.  This type of encouragement makes two faulty assumptions.  The first is that these children were trained up properly.  As much as we’d like to think that we’ve done a good job in training our children, maybe we need to admit that we didn’t.  The second faulty assumption is that Proverbs 22:6 is a guaranteed promise.  It is not.  God is not saying that if you teach a child your faith that they will definitely come to that faith as well.  Proverbs are general guidelines and admonitions, not guarantees.  The over context of the chapter shows us some general principles for right living and prosperity.  While some of these can help us to be successful, following these principles does not guarantee worldly success.  Proverbs 22:1 tells us, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.”  Living by these principles may give us a good name, but it doesn’t guarantee wealth or status.  In the same way, training a child may help them to develop in a way that promotes honesty, loyalty, respect, and humility is a good thing, but it doesn’t guarantee their faith or success.  Though it is not guaranteed, it is a best practice.  Therefore, we should still “train up a child in the way he should go.”  

Mental training is usually considered when someone thinks of training their child.  Parents put a great deal of thought and effort into deciding how their child will be educated.  It is important for parents to be involved in their child’s education.  This is especially true if parents choose to send their children to a school.  Parents are ultimately responsible for what their children are learning.  While it is okay to delegate some of the teaching to others, such as in a school setting, this does not remove the responsibility from the parents.  They should be partnering with the school to ensure their child is growing and learning.  They must also consider what may be missing from the school’s curriculum.  For example, the school may differ from your family in values that are taught, and you will want to instill your family’s values at home.  This is a good and necessary part of training our children, however, it is not the only consideration.  The whole child needs to be trained which also includes their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.  

Children have big emotions, and they often don’t know what to do with them.  Why does a toddler throw a tantrum?  They are upset or frustrated about something not going the way they want it to, so they act out with a scream or such because that is the only way they know how to express those emotions.  They need to be guided as to a better expression of those emotions.  Some of that comes with language acquisition, but it is also through the efforts of long-suffering parents who do not give in to their tantrums.  Sometimes not getting what you want can be the best thing for you.  Parents realize this and have to endure many trials as their children continue to test boundaries and beg for what they so desire.  Loving consistent discipline can help children learn to express their emotions in words, and also help them obtain the self-discipline to realize that things don’t always go their way, and they cannot always get what they want.  As your children learn the self-control to handle the floods of emotions they deal with, it will help them in their relationships with others as well.  

Both of my children have had specific preferences when it comes to physical well-being, specifically food.  My daughter was all about meat and cheeses.  While fruit was a good treat, she would never turn down meat or cheese.  Once those were discovered, she really was indifferent to all other foods and wanted nothing to do with breads or vegetables.  My son loves all things carbs and dairy.  So while the cheese love is consistent, he prefers bread, noodles, rice, potatoes, and fruit to any type of meat.  He also prefers to forego the vegetables.  However, I still need to present them with a balanced diet.  So I keep trying to get them to eat vegetables, even though they would prefer I didn’t.  Physical training is more than just nutrition, it is overall healthy living, which includes movement.  As someone who always preferred to just sit and read all day, this is a struggle for me as a parent.  I have to be intentional about giving my children opportunities for physical exercise.   I also have to push myself to be an example to them by being active myself.  I’m not going to lie; I’m not great at this.  This is definitely an area where I am still in need of much growth myself!

The most important part of training our children is meeting their spiritual needs.  No matter how well we train them in other areas, it is meaningless if we neglect their spiritual needs.  Deuteronomy 6:4-9 tells us, “Here, O Israel:  The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”  We are to pass on our love of the Lord to our children by making our teaching a part of daily life!  Teaching them diligently implies some thought and conscious effort in what we are teaching them.  Catechisms break basic theological truths into smaller question and answer sections.  This is a great way to introduce your children to these truths from Scripture.  Weekly church gatherings are also a time when your children will hear from God’s word, and parents can follow up by questioning them on what they learned or answering questions that they may have had about what was taught that day. Along with these conscious efforts, parents should be displaying their love for Christ in their everyday conversation.  God should constantly be on our minds and part of our conversations.  Our children will hear these discussions we have with them and others.  This will help them form the foundations of their beliefs.  If our daily conversations are filled with the gospel and point people to Christ, then we will be pointing our children to Christ as well.

Whether you choose to teach them or not, your children are learning from you.  What you value they will see as valuable.  What you do not put time or energy toward they will see as not worth the effort.  Our children are watching us and taking their cues from us.  They may not believe exactly as we do, or they may decide to make decisions that would differ from what we would decide, but they will always see our perspective or hear our voice in their minds.  Do not be passive about your children’s education.  It may seem noble to let your kids decide what they want to believe without the influence of your personal opinions, but it is the opposite.  Proverbs 22:15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”  Children do not know what is right on their own; they must learn it from their parents.  Children are instructed to obey their parents for a reason: it is what is best for them.  “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’” (Ephesians 6:1-3)  God has given children parents for training and nurturing, to help them live a long and healthy life.  Parents, do not neglect this duty to which you have been called!