Not all children are carried in their mother’s womb.  Some babies are blessed with one woman who carried them and another that they call mommy.  I have heard some women describe their adopted children as born from their heart.  Adoption is a beautiful picture of the Gospel, and a way so many families choose to add children to their family.  Before a child can be adopted, however, someone else must make the most loving sacrifice a mother can make.  She must choose to place her child in the arms of another.  These sweet mommas chose life over death, and a family and home they are unable to provide themselves.  Some mommas never have the choice.  Some children face the tragedy of their parents being taken from them, necessitating their need for care.  

In the past 100 years, a woman’s uterus has become a much talked about, debated, and hazardous place, especially for unborn children.  In spite of all of the politics, there are still brave mothers who choose life for their babies every single day.  They choose the difficult path of making an adoption plan over the quicker termination option they are given.  I honestly don’t know if I would have the guts to do what these brave women have done.  There are various types of adoption, and a mother has the option of closed (no contact), semi-open (limited updates), or an open adoption in which she can still participate in her child’s life.  Mothers may choose to meet the adoptive parents or family in person, others never do.  If you think writing a birth plan is hard, imagine trying to make decisions for who and how your child will be raised, with or without you.  This is not an easy decision, nor one that can be brushed over or taken lightly.  In the words of my friend, who has experience working with these moms, “Almost all birth-moms I’ve encountered wanted to give their child everything that they never had.  And the best way they saw to do that, was to put their own heart aside and give their babies a loving, stable family to grow up in.  Brings me to tears thinking of the many women who sobbed in my arms ( and I along with them) because the pain of loss they felt was so great.  And yet, the love they have for their child is greater.  It’s beautiful.”  Some women are able to make something or write a letter to send with their baby, and they often have a support system there to help them through their difficult months of physical and emotional need.  Sometimes the families of these women are there to support them.  Unfortunately, more often they are left feeling alone and unsure of what to do.  There are some great ministries and pregnancy centers offering physical & emotional support.  These women are given help and support in every step of their journey, including medical care, help building resumes, applying for jobs, and obtaining housing.  Many of these centers seek to help these women achieve their goals for the future after placing their child for adoption.  I believe ending abortion starts with people lovingly caring for these women in need, beyond the nine months they carry the baby.   

Those seeking to adopt children also have a lot of decisions to be made.  Some adoptive parents know the baby’s birth mom personally, sometimes it is a family member, and they are able to adopt the child directly without going through an agency.  I know of a couple that offered this type of adoption to any girls at the college I attended who found themselves with an unexpected pregnancy.  They offered to pay all healthcare costs and any other necessary costs (such as counseling for the mother) if she chose them as her baby’s family rather than an abortion.  There are also family members who will adopt when a child loses their parents so that they can remain with their family.  Most adoptive parents do not have this direct contact with the birth family.  They usually go through some type of agency, and must decide if they will adopt domestically (within their own country) or internationally.  One of the main reasons I have heard that parents chose international adoption was due to the living conditions of orphans in other countries.  Many children “age out” of the foster care (or the like) system in other countries as early as 12 years old.  This leaves them homeless, jobless, and prey to the plethora of human trafficking preditors.  They feel the need to help these orphans is greater than those in the United States who generally receive better care and more opportunities for a longer period of time.  Some parents work with a private agency to adopt children domestically.  Both international and domestic adoptions can be extremely costly; therefore, many choosing to adopt domestically do so through the foster care system.  Even in this way, parents can adopt directly, or choose to foster with the option to adopt.  Whatever decisions they make and for whatever reason, these parents have chosen to heed the words of James 1:27, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”  They are seeking to care for the fatherless in whatever manner they are best able to do so.  

Sometimes, in their journey of adoption, a family is placed with an unexpected blessing.  Everyone I know who has adopted has had a plan; maybe this was a plan they first thought of as a child; maybe it was something they discussed before getting married; maybe it was something God laid on their heart one day.  All of them have told me how some part of their plan was changed.  There was a process they started that had unexpected paperwork.  I know a family that had three children placed with them for several weeks and the birth mom decided to raise the baby herself before the adoption was finalized.  I know people who planned to have biological children before adopting only to have infertility issues push up their timetable for adoption.  I know one family that specified they did not want a baby.  They were looking for school-aged children, closer in age to the two children they already had.  However, due to some miscommunication, one night in early December, she stood there holding an 8 month old baby girl who came with a few clothes that didn’t fit, a couple cans of formula, a bottle, and a handful of diapers crammed into a small bag.  Though they were not prepared for her, she has found a forever home with them, and they are blessed seeing her grow and develop beyond even the doctor’s expectations.  I know a family that adopted internationally who had to admit their daughter to the hospital upon entrance in the United States due to severe malnutrition and other issues.  Thankfully, her adoption saved her life, and she was able to grow strong and healthy under a doctor’s care within a loving family.  

When I started planning and writing about mothers, I realized just how blessed I was to know so many people involved with adoption.  There were so many stories that I wish I had room to share in full.  Stories of God’s grace leading people to adoption.  The way God worked to bring children together with their families.  Beautiful stories of moms who can rejoice at the success of their grown daughter they have never met in person.  In adoption we have a picture of God and his children.  We are told in Galatians 4:4-7, “But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.  And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba!  Father!’  So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.”  Everyone in the Church should be a part of this care for orphans.  If you can, adopt a child or children and make them a part of your family.  If you can’t adopt, look for a way you can support adoption.  Help remove financial barriers for families that desire to adopt.  Volunteer your time to support women who have made the difficult decision to place their child for adoption.  Come alongside adoptive families and provide for what they need to welcome a child(ren) into their home.  There is something that everyone can do to be a part of caring for the fatherless.  There is no excuse for a Christian not to do something.  This is what God has done for us.

*I am thankful for the opportunities God has given me to be help and support families through the process of adoption.  I am also grateful for the moms who took the time to share their stories with me and answer questions about their adoption journey.*