The Role of Children

There is a place for everyone in the family.  One of the biggest lies this world tells us is that children are a burden.  God's Word tells us, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." (Psalm 127:3-5)  It was once pointed out to me that children are the only blessing that people ask God to limit or end.  I don't know anyone who would ask God to stop giving them $1,000,000 every two years for the rest of their life, but most people don't want a kid every two years without an end in mind.  Some couples choose to forgo that blessing altogether! 

Why does the world view children as a burden?  Some of it has to do with their misconception of children as consumers.  They see each child as dollar signs adding up over the course of their lives.  According to the USDA, the average cost of raising a child is $12,980 per year, with a total cost of $233,610 through age 18.  For this calculation that are assuming a middle income family with only two children.  They are factoring not only food and clothing costs, but also sports, music, and/or other such program costs.  They may also be factoring in car or car insurance costs and or schooling costs.  Obviously, this number will vary, but that's really not the point.  It's the language pointing out to parents how much their children will "cost them".  It is assumed that the parents are to put the needs, and maybe even the wants, of their children above all else.  At first read, this may seem like a good thing.  Shouldn't we put the needs of our kids before all else?  I would put their needs before a great many things, including any personal indulgences; however, what constitutes a need is often highly disputed.  Does a child turning 16 need a brand new car, even if it means the parents take out a loan to give it to them?  Does a school age child need the newest, name brand shoes?  I love to give my kids some of their wants now and then, but this indulgence of going into debt to pay for your child's car, housing, schooling, etc is unnecessary and possibly even harmful for children.  I had a friend who's daughter worked hard, managed her money well, and bought her own vehicle with cash.  She was much more satisfied and in a much better financial position than most middle-aged people I know!  She had learned a valuable lesson about the cost of a vehicle and good money management!

Children are supposed to be contributing to the home economy.  Obviously this looks different at various ages and stages.  My one-year-old isn't very much help when it comes to laundry (though he thinks he is helping), but even he is learning to put away his toys, not take things away from the dog, wait his turn, and be kind to others.  He will take a rag and wipe dust around, not really cleaning, but mimicking what we are doing as we clean.  He is learning.  As children grow and mature, they can take on bigger or more complex tasks.  Not only does this help in the upkeep of the home, but, more importantly, it teaches them how to perform basic tasks that are necessary for independent living.  No child should reach adulthood without basic cooking and cleaning skills.  They should know how to prepare a meal for themselves, do their laundry, clean and tidy their living space, and be hospitable to others.  They should also be learning the value of money and a good work ethic.  They learn this not only by observing their parents, but also by participating in these activities themselves.   I'm not going to lie; I am frequently frustrated watching my daughter take three hours for meal prep for a thirty minute meal.  She is still learning, so she chops slower, reads the directions more often for reassurance, asks more questions about what the directions mean or which ingredients to use, and often needs help determining whether or not the meat is sufficiently cooked.  Things that come easy to me are only easy because of my years of practice, and I must continually remind myself that practice is part of the learning process.  Another hard part of learning is failure.  I want to keep the baby from falling, help my daughter fix what went wrong with the recipe, etc.  However, failure is a valuable teacher.  I have to let them fail so they will learn.  Anyone who gives up in failure doesn't ever learn to succeed! 

Parents can give instruction to their children to help guide them to success.  Children are told in multiple places in Scripture that they are to obey their parents.  This is for their own protection, growth, and development.  Parents who discipline their children are not being harsh, they are lovingly guiding them in the way they should go.  The biggest, most important role of a parent is to point their children to Christ.  Our words, actions, instructions, and discipline should continually point our children to Christ.  

Choose to see your children the way God sees them. See them as blessings bestowed on you for care and instruction.  Be good stewards of the blessings God has given you.   Teach them how to live, have relationships, care for the needs of others, and continually point them to Christ.  Even on the tiring days, rejoice and thank the Lord for the blessings that are watching and learning from you.