Finding Balance

A lot of life is about finding balance.  Yes, there are questions of right or wrong.  However, I am more often faced with choices of good or better.  Those are the more difficult choices.  In Luke, chapter 10, Jesus tells Martha not to be upset with Mary because she has chosen “the good portion.”  I don’t think Jesus is telling Martha that serving is wrong; however, Mary has chosen something better.   Motherhood often throws your life out of balance.  Babies cannot do anything for themselves.  Mothers, almost instinctively, put their children before themselves.  I feel practically selfish eating, bathing, or doing anything for myself if my children are in need.  If I’m being completely honest, this is true just if my children are awake.  My husband has helped me realize that this is not a healthy balance.  Just like when a plane is going down, I need to take care of my own needs so that I will be able to take care of theirs.

Mothers need time with the Lord.  There is nothing more important than ensuring your spiritual health.  Just like Mary, we must all sit at the feet of Jesus. It can be as simple as reading a chapter or section of Scripture a day, or an in-depth Bible study delving into the original language, historical context, and authorship.  It can be hard to find time to focus on Scripture when children seem to be everywhere and getting into everything.  I strongly suggest a “nap time” each day regardless of how old your children may be.  They do not necessarily need to take a nap, though this is definitely needed for younger children; they do need to be on their bed or limited to their room for a period of time.  This allows mom a guilt-free time to rest or read her Bible.  If your children are past the age of needing a nap during the day, encourage them to use this as their Bible reading time as well.  It is also okay to spend some of the time in Bible study and some just sleeping.  I also know of people that utilize an audio Bible that allows them to listen, rather than read, so they can listen while they work.  It may take some trial and error, but each person needs to find a balance that works for them.  

Mothers need time with their babies.  The best way to help a new mom find balance and get everything done is not offering to watch her children or hold her baby.  Offer to make dinner, clean the floors, or do dishes.  These are much more helpful as it allows her time with her baby while also accomplishing needed tasks around the house.  People also think of watching older children.  However, they are needed at home as well.  Mom still needs to show them love and affection while they are also bonding with the baby.  I have never wanted to send my children away so that I can have more time for cleaning.  One poem I love speaks to the fact that the housecleaning will wait because “babies don’t keep.”  There is so much that I don’t want to miss.  I have the joy and privilege of staying home with my children, so I am there to see them reach those milestones, make those discoveries, and take those chances.  I love that we are able to homeschool so that my children can thrive and grow at their own pace and according to their own interests.  We also have the flexibility to take breaks that correspond with my husband’s days off.  This allows us all the most possible time together.  I love the days when we can forget about house cleaning, bill paying, and other such responsibilities and just focus on our time as a family.  I know these days are short.  My daughter is already looking forward in great anticipation to her next bit of freedom and independence.  It is coming all too soon for me.  However, I know that when the time comes, she will be prepared for whatever direction God’s plan takes her.  I cherish this time with my children.  

Mothers need to keep their homes.  As much as it is true that mothers should savor time with their children, they must also provide a clean and liveable house for those children.  It is a great sentiment that the dust can just settle down and the dishes will wait, but our children’s allergies flaring up in a house that is never swept, and having no clean dishes is also not an option.  Eventually, the baby needs to be laid down, the dishes need to be washed, and the floors need to be cleaned.  I tend to feel guilty if I am doing dishes or laundry while the baby is awake.  Our culture has placed the burden on parents of entertaining our children 24/7.  We feel that if we do not have activities or entertainment, or something of that nature available to our children at all times that we are somehow failing as parents.  While some chores may be permitted, the prevailing idea is that of a mom serving her children while they contribute little to the family economy.  I have heard several people make the argument for only one or two children due to the cost of providing for more than two children.  These parents erroneously conclude that they will have to provide cars, advanced education, and other high-priced items for all of their children.  If they can’t pay for college for four kids, then they had better stick to just two.  This mindset discounts any contribution from the children themselves.  With this view, children are seen solely as consumers.  However, I believe children should be contributing to the family economy in age-appropriate ways.  Older children and teens can help with tasks such as lawn maintenance, dishes, and laundry.  Smaller children can begin helping with laundry as well as cleaning up after themselves.  Even toddlers can learn to pick up their own toys and make their beds.  My three-year-old loves his daily task of emptying the house compost onto our compost pile outside along with picking up his toys and making his bed.  It is something simple that he can do that allows him to contribute to the family.  I should not feel guilty for providing a clean house or for having the children help me make it so.  These times that the children do not have their mom’s attention can be for their own good.  Learning to play and use their imagination without mom’s input, advice or help is a great lesson for kids of all ages.  Boredom can be the very thing kids need to be happy.  Boredom is the impetus for adventure, discovery, and innovation.  It is okay to let them find something to do, work on their own, or play together while mom gets other things done.  It is this home dynamic that makes having a large number of children beneficial.  They will help, entertain, and teach each other.  Mom can watch them learn and grow while still accomplishing tasks she needs to complete.

There is no one way to order your day.  Some people thrive on a fixed, daily schedule while others prefer the freedom of planning as they go.  For some, the balance is easy and seems to come naturally.  Others face several attempts of trial and error until they find what works for their family.  Don’t stress about doing things just like someone else. Don’t look to the highlights of social media reels to tell you how your house, kids, or life should look.  Take some time and find what works for you and your family.  Be content with the balance you find among all of the good choices. 

Balance

Babies don’t keep.  Yes, it is true.

But sometimes there are things that mom needs to do.

Dishes, laundry, sweeping the floor…

The house needs cleaning, and someone’s at the door.

I take some time to rock my baby,

Time for math with my teen and preschool…maybe.

It’s good to pause and hug my children;

Times like these are one in a million.

It’s also okay to let them play,

Tell them mommy has something to do today.

Don’t feel guilty for doing what’s needed.

Find the balance you need and no one gets cheated.

A Mama’s work is never done.

Find the balance between all the work and fun.