New Family

       When two people are married they create a new family.   When you are single, you are still a part of your parent's family.  However, marriage makes you a new family.  "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)  When you marry, your priorities are now with one another.

Wives need to put the needs of their husbands above those of their parents or siblings.  Obviously, I'm not talking about cutting off your family all together.  There are still times when you can enjoy time with your parents and other family members.  However, that time will not always be the same.  As children grow up and have families of their own it becomes harder to coordinate having everyone together.  We often gather on holidays; however, there are now more parents and siblings to coordinate.  Sometimes spending a holiday with one set of parents may mean making the next holiday with the other side of the family.  Growing up we often spent Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family and Christmas Day with my mom's side of the family.  In some instances, such as a graduation, both sides of the family would meet with our family together.  How you work out your time and holidays will depend on your family.  This is something that you and your husband have to decide.  It may change as you grow older.  You cannot allow other people in your family to guilt trip or otherwise pressure you into spending time with them if it would detract from your primary responsibility and relationships with your husband and children.  

Often your status as a separate family isn’t recognized by others until children come along, but it is a fact nonetheless.  However, there is another dimension of learning and growth added as husband and wife also become father and mother and additional people are added to the family through birth or adoption.  As children enter the family, it shifts our priorities once again.  Our husband should still be our top priority; however, our children still take precedence over other family members.  We may have to decline an invitation to dinner with our parents due to a previous commitment or the need of our child for an earlier bedtime.  We need to do what is best for our children, even if that is at the expense of our other family members.

Children have a way of pointing out our sins and leading us to sanctification.  Many of the sins or struggles that frustrate me and I must continually correct in my children are the very struggles I face myself.  The biggest struggle for me is to remain consistent.  It is easy to give in and allow something when I am tired or worn out.  This is where supporting your husband and having his support is essential!  It is so helpful to have someone else to lean on and encourage you to stick with it even when you are tired.  There is much more consistency when we are there to hold each other accountable.  

As you build your family, remember God's roles for the family.  Do not allow children to "rule the roost".  Husbands are to lead the home.  Children are to obey their parents and honor them.  While parents prioritize their children over other family members, they should never come before their spouses.